Aikido, the path of harmonious energy

I have an interest in martial arts. Morihei Ueshiba, born Dec. 14, 1883 in Wakayama, Japan, was the founder of an unusual form of modern marshal art, Aikido. I know of Morihei and his teachings because my daughters attend a local aikido dojo. I am quite impressed with its teachings. It is a marshal art that stresses harmony and love over aggression. It is a form in which size doesn’t matter because the force of the opponent’s aggressions is used against them, sort of like the bigger they are the harder they’ll fall. I’ve seen with my own eyes a little old lady from Pasadena look-alike using minimal movement to neutralize four strong young men who were running at her with full force, one with a knife (plastic). In a micro-second these men were on their butts, incapacitated. Had this been real instead of a test, they would've had broken bones. Standing resolutely and calmly in the center of the storm, the little old lady wasn't even out of breath.

Much of aikido is under the skin – philosophical. My wife recently read a book by Morihei and sent me these quotes that resonate well with my LDS perspective.

“As the last aspect of creation, human beings came into existence as an actualization of all higher powers. Human beings represent all of creation and we must bring the divine plan to fruition.”

“The ancient wise ones taught: ‘Drinking liquor may make you feel spring in your heart, but it shuts off the path to enlightenment.’”

“The divine spirit is always present within me—and you too, if you delve deeply inside – so I am just obeying its commands and letting the awesome power of nature flow through me.”

"Everyone has a spirit that can be refined, a body that can be trained in some manner, a suitable path to follow. You are here for no other purpose than to realize your inner divinity and manifest your inner enlightenment."

"Be grateful even for hardship, setbacks, and bad people. Dealing with such obstacles is an essential part of training in the Art of Peace."

Autum leaves

As you can see from the photo I took during the weekend, there are trees everywhere in my community. I live on the foot of a mountain that could just as well be a national park. We have elk, deer and I’ve even seen moose while hiking through the aspen forests. Oh yeah. Trees are everywhere here in the Rockies. And where there are trees, there are leaves -- lots and lots of leaves. My yard has more than its fair share of trees and this time of year all those trees are shedding their abundance of leaves. The yard is becoming knee deep in falling leaves -- shrub oak, cherry, apple and maple leaves. The good thing is that our autumn wind is blowing a good bunch of our leaves to our neighbor’s yard.

My wife would like me to rake up those leaves. The timing is a guessing game. If I rake the leaves too early, new leaves just drown the yard and replace the old as if I never were there. If I wait too late, the snow and slush make the leaves rake like frozen shingles. It’s all about timing -- in waiting to the very last moment.

USS Salt Lake City nuclear sub sailing to junkyard

In addition to a first story about the USS Salt Lake City, there's one more from the Deseret News. It seems the ship with numbers 716 is now in the act of sailing off into the big junk yard in the sky -- er, water. Salt Lake City will no longer have a namesake on the high seas.

Such a secret nuclear sub stalking countries and ships around the world called the USS Salt Lake City, a ship loaded to the gills with weapons of massive destruction, is incongruent with the image of our fair city. The name and the weapon just does not fit. About the only thing suitable would be for a private group to buy it, rename it the Church Ship Salt Lake City (USS will have to come off) and equip it to shoot Bibles, Book of Mormons, missionaries and pamphlets that say "Peace on earth, good will to men" out her tubes. Or, if it has to stay in the hands of the government, have the municipality of Salt Lake City buy it and shoot pamphlets promoting world unity and cooperation through another Winter Olympics here. Now that would make our pioneer fathers smile in their graves.

To brave Rosa Parks: died Oct 25, 2005

Galatians 3:28. "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

Equality by Maya Angelou

You declare you see me dimly
through a glass which will not shine,
though I stand before you boldly,
trim in rank and making time.
You do own to hear me faintly
as a whisper out of range,
while my drums beat out the message
and the rhythms never change.
Equality, and I will be free.
Equality, and I will be free.

You announce my ways are wanton,
that I fly from man to man,
but if I'm just a shadow to you,
could you ever understand?
We have lived a painful history,
we know the shameful past,
but I keep on marching forward,
and you keep on coming last.
Equality, and I will be free.
Equality, and I will be free.

Take the blinders from your vision,
take the padding from your ears,
and confess you've heard me crying,
and admit you've seen my tears.
Hear the tempo so compelling,
hear the blood throb through my veins.
Yes, my drums are beating nightly,
and the rhythms never change.
Equality, and I will be free.
Equality, and I will be free."

Photo by Olivia Castells via stock.xchng

We Real Cool

I was such a pain in the rear as a teenager, but with the help of great adults guiding me at church and good friends, I became... er, actually, I am still an idiot but I'd like to think I am less so because of their influence.

To Dad, thanks! For telling me ad nauseum when being cool wasn't in my best interest. You knew that one bad step leads to another, just like the poem below hints at. And thank you Mother for never having it in you to back down from a fight when my best interests were at stake. You were the champion of brow beating logic that I hated so much but as an adult I love you the more for it. (One note. I am all grown up with teens of my own so you can lay off now.)

We Real Cool by Gwendolyn Brooks
The Pool Players
Seven at the Golden Shovel

We real cool. We
Left school. We
Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We
Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We
Jazz June. We
Die soon.

Not seeing the more important picture

There are times that we get so focused on the task at hand that we just don't see the bigger picture. (Like noticing in the photo a large Sasquatch walking behind the blade of grass -- just kidding.)

One such instance happened in which an Australian policeman gave a parking ticket while a 72 year-old man inside the car lay slumped over dead. Granted, seniors can be a quiet lot but one tip off should have been when the driver refused to pull out his driver's license and just sat there staring at the scratches on the steering wheel.

Stretching the scriptures to suit our national perceptions

We stretch the scriptures to suit our own national perceptions and don’t even give it a second thought. In other words, we put stuff in there that isn't there. Case in point. I heard the following scripture used from a teacher who wanted to show that the United States of America is the greatest land in the world and the ONLY covenanted and promised country as decreed by God. As American saints, it is easy for us to only see America in the scriptures and it is obvious to us that the brethren do not speak of ANY OTHER nation as being a Covenanted and Promised Land. But it is there.

2 Nephi 1: 5 But, said he, notwithstanding our afflictions, we have obtained a land of promise, a land which is choice above all other lands; a land which the Lord God hath covenanted with me should be a land for the inheritance of my seed.

We have a hard time placing ourselves in the shoes (er, sandles) of those we read about. They are not, white middle-class Utahans. The description of a “land of promise”, a land “choice above all others”, is germane to places that the children of Lehi lived. The scriptures are speaking of a geography larger than the United States of America. After all, we don't have a lot of children of Lehi living here. Elder Orson Pratt makes this point nicely:

“According to the Book of Mormon, all of the great western continent, with all the valleys, hills and mountains, riches and resources pertaining thereunto, was given to the remnant of Joseph, as their land of promise. The Almighty sealed this covenant and promise by an oath, saying, that the land should be given unto them forever. The western world, including both North and South America, is the land of promise, to the remnant of Joseph, in the same sense that the land of Palestine is a promised land unto the twelve tribes of Israel.” (Pratt, Orson, Divine Authority or the Question, Was Joseph Smith Sent of God?) 11.)

Let's also not forget our Old Testament in which Israel is a promised and covenanted land. So, we know that there is more than just one country. I have also read blessings given to certain foreign lands by our apostles that have covenants and promises, which I think technically makes them a Covenanted and Promised Land.

Ah, but we are choice above all other lands. The question is choice to whom? If Japanese saints should gather in Japan, doesn't that make Japan a choice country for their saints above all other countries? At the very least, it certainly is "choice above all other lands".. "for the inheritence of their seed."

I like this land. I was born in it and my ancestors fought for its freedoms. But let's give others their due because our scriptures and general authorities do. There are a lot more countries out there that are covenanted and promised lands than we American LDS rank and file acknowledge.

Germans have biggest corpse plant ever

Here's another of those names in which the Latin sounds better than the English. The world's tallest -- and smelliest -- flower, a giant "corpse flower" has bloomed, reaching a height of over 9 feet more than the previous record for the species, the Stuttgart botanical garden said on Friday. My family and I have seen these in the wild hiking in the rain forests of Borneo. It looks like its from another planet and man does it stinks to high heaven of putrid meat, attracting flies and beetles for miles around. We need one of these in Utah but we don't have a tropical arboretum, only a desert one.

Legislators full of gas

There are some things that never change. Legislative lawmakers seem set up to favor business. It's a certainty like the sun will come up tomorrow. When fuel prices have been straining family budgets, some Utah legislators want to extend the Utah Motor Fuels Marketing Act, a law that they have already enacted to prohibit anyone from selling gasoline below cost.

The problem with such a bill is the ease of abuse. The Assistant Attorney General Tony Patterson mentioned that over the years all investigations into "dumping" proved fruitless, while accused gas retailers spent considerable time and money accomodating the AG office to investigate that the station was selling below cost. If a gas retailer was upset at a big chain station undercutting their high prices, all they would have to do is call the AG office and shout, "He's a dumper, nanananananah." Er, better not say the last part but I bet they think it.

"This law wasn't designed to protect consumers, it was written to protect retailers," Patterson said. The Ass't AG got that right. I'm glad he's looking out for me, the consumer, especially when it comes to today's gas prices because my legislators are not. They prefer to be full of gas at high prices.
Photo by John Schwartz via stock.xchng

Saddam dart board needed

You have to admit that this photo would make a fantastic dart board. I mean, look at that look. He's virtually challenging me to throw a dart. Has anyone tried to market this? The businessman in me says this will be a big hit. I'd be motivated to hit him right in the bull's eye. Up the nose would be good too.

"Bone-eating snot-flower" worm named

I'm crazy about the ocean so I couldn't resist this piece of news. A new species of marine worm found off the Swedish coast has been named "bone-eating snot-flower" or Osedax mucofloris. This is one rare case in which the Latin name trumps the English. Can't the Swedes come up with a better name? Say like pink-palm-tree-of-the-north-sea? Some scientist must have really been plastered one cold winter night, proof of the benefits of not drinking. Anyhow, this tube worm uses specialised bacteria inside its roots to break down the oil stored in the dead whale bone to release energy. Amazing!

Camp Floyd photo

No. This is not my home. My home, for one thing, has more windows. The wood looks like the same vintage though.

The photo above is another that I shot of structures at Camp Floyd, Utah. Whatever happened to Camp Floyd? The Secretary of War in whom it was named, John B. Floyd, stepped down after accusations of graft. Besides, he soon followed the Confederacy (so a job in the Lincoln cabinet was out of the question.) The camp changed its name, and the troops were called back to east to fight in the Civil War.

Utah's Camp Floyd, a sign of miscommunication

"Government is not reason, it is not eloquence, it is force; like fire, a troublesome servant and a fearful master. Never for a moment should it be left to irresponsible action." -- George Washington

How can such a profound place look so plain? Camp Floyd consists of a few markers, a grass lawn, a couple old chuck wagons, a renovated inn (photo above) and commissary. Small, and off the beaten path of Hwy 73, it is physical evidence of the Utah War of 1857 - 1858. I visited the camp late Sunday afternoon. Frankly, I don’t quite know what to make of it.

I wish there was a telegraph in place at the time that could have connected President Buchanan with Governor Brigham Young, appointed territorial governor by President Franklin Pierce, because misunderstandings compounded. Just one term earlier than the the Civil War, President Buchanan thought the territory was about to split from the nation. The nation was filled with rumors about Utah. These polygamists and their strange religion were a mystery to most. Certain doctrines were distorted, circulated and publicized. At any rate, the rumor of the day was not only that they had a shadow government but also that they were burning the papers of the territorial Supreme Court and coordinating Indian attacks on federally appointed officials. Not only barbarism but now also Mormon treason!

The new Republican Party's bold platform of eradicating the “twin barbarisms” of polygamy and slavery was taking great hold on the political debate and direction of the country. Democrats were under pressure to be tough on polygamy and slavery, an accusation that the new Republican Party said Democrats were soft on. Buchanan [D] keenly felt those pressures. Utah was an opportunity to demonstrate to the South the resolve of the federal government in matters of secession.

So, it was easy for a president to use force when it came to Utah. An army of 2500 troops was sent to squash a rebellion that didn't exist. Utah was up in arms too. Still fresh with the memories of murder and destruction by mobs in Illinois, and before that Missouri, the pioneers set up to fight the federal army. (That's another tale.)

How did we get ourselves into such a position of misunderstanding, and how easy is it for a president to go to war? I don't know but the evidence of the ease in which our highest civil authority can use military power to resolve such issues and in having faulty intelligence of the world lies in an isolated field in Utah Valley.

And what of these rebellious Mormons who were about to secede? An old friend of the saints, Thomas Kane was appointed by the president to help smooth things over. He arrived in Salt Lake City early in 1858 and found that the pioneers after giving initial resistance, had decided to not fight. They were talking of moving yet again to freedom in Mexico, or perhaps this time to an isolated island in the South Pacific, where they could build their Zion unmolested. The new governor to replace Brigham Young promised to let them practice their religion in freedom, which persuaded the pioneers to stay. Despite such assurances, there was big trouble on the horizon for the church that would start as early as a year into the Civil War, 1862.

100% LDS. How'd they guess?

I came across a quiz on Beliefnet called Belief-O-Matic. It guesses a person's religion by asking 20 questions. It rated me as 100% LDS. How'd they do that without asking about the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, coffee or how to say American Fork? Amazing.

Rumor travels faster, but truth wins out

This is an interesting article from the Salt Lake Tribune about Utah's fascination with anthropology and our own folk tales surrounding real and unreal anthropological sites.

In 1906, the Deseret Farmer and several local newspapers printed a letter by Amasa Potter that said that in 1870 he dug into a mound on his Payson farm and found a large building with five rooms, one containing a six-foot-tall skeleton.

"At the head of those skeletons I found many articles of ancient work and among other things was a stone box containing a small quantity of wheat." He took them home, planted them, and grew "a new kind of wheat."

OK, let's have a reality check. During the 1870s, Edward Palmer, a collector hired by the Smithsonian Institution, investigated the skeletons-and-wheat story but could not confirm it. Yes, Potter could have found a Fremont structure that had been covered with earth, and possibly a six-foot skeleton [a Nephite warrior??]. And maybe he could have found some viable seeds. But wheat? There is no archaeological evidence of wheat in the prehistoric Americas. However Potter got the wheat, he "sent samples all over Utah County, and it proved to be the best dry land wheat that they had ever tried." The 1906 newspaper articles noted that this "Kofod" wheat, as it was called, was a superior wheat, a good resister of drought and frost. In 1911, the Utah Experiment Station reported that farmers around Nephi "greatly favor" Kofod. Was it popular because of its supposed extraordinary origin? Very possibly because the Experiment Station tests at Nephi showed that Turkey Red wheat actually gave much greater yields of a much higher grade of flour.

A few years later Kofod wheat could not be found. I suspect the ploy worked nicely at selling "Kofod" wheat for a certain Payson, Utah farmer for a time. The fad died out just a few seasons later. I cannot resist putting a moral to the story. And the moral is...

"Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth." -- Will Rogers

[via Salt Lake Tribune:Utah. Photo from Leslie Cutts via stock.xchng.]

Noodles came from China, duh!

Italians are known for them and theories suggest they may have originated in the Middle East but scientists said Wednesday the world's oldest known noodles, dating back 4,000 years, were made in China.

HEY. I could have told the world that for free. So could all of my Chinese friends. History books there say that Marco Polo brought back noodles from his journey to China. In other words, Romans didn't eat spaghetti. Any Chinese school kid knows that. Duh!

Above is a photograph of the noodle findings. They look more like dead tape worms to me. I think we deserve a second opinion on this finding. [via Reuters: Oddly Enough. Photo by Julian Hecht via stock.xchng]

Utah pioneers settled Mexico illegally

Here's a sensitive topic for Utah, illegal Hispanic immigration and the reasons why Utahans are ambivalent to it. I think the following excerpt from Deseret News gives keen insight.

"A University of Utah ethnics studies professor, Solorzano has deep-seated pain over Brigham Young's declaration — "This is the right place" — as Mormon pioneers arrived in what became the Salt Lake Valley nearly 160 years ago. I can't call them illegal immigrants because the term didn't exist then," he said. "But they were certainly trespassing on Mexican territory."

Only when the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo ended the Mexican-American War in 1848 awarding present-day Arizona, California, New Mexico and Texas and parts of Colorado, Nevada and Utah to the United States did Mormon pioneers gain legal status.

"Somewhere in the back of Mexican people's minds, they fantasize about the idea that the LDS Church will apologize for taking the territory," he said. Elder Pingree of the Seventies replied, "That's an issue that none of us is going to solve right now, so, let's get on with the future."

One correction to the Deseret News article. All of Utah, Nevada and California were forfeited to the United States (see map above of states in red). Parts of Arizona, New Mexico and Texas were purchased in 1853, the Gadsten purchase (parts in orange). Despite our history of illegal immigration to Mexico and Canada, let’s not forget the economics of Utah. Our farms, ranches and small manufacturing, which is a large part of Utah’s economy, need cheap labor to stay competitive. Local residents shy away from strenuous, low-paying positions, particularly when they are located in wide-open rural settings.

Photo source: Wikipedia

Newsweek features LDS church

The cover story of Newsweek magazine that hit newsstands Monday focuses on the 200th birthday of LDS Church founder Joseph Smith, who the magazine refers to as "prophet and polygamist, mesmerizer and rabble-rouser, saint and sinner."This year's 200th anniversary of Smith's birth gave Newsweek assistant editor Elise Soukup, a 2002 Brigham Young University graduate, the idea for the article she researched and wrote. [via Deseret News]

A side note on this picture that Newsweek features, I believe I've seen this stained glass of the first vision with my own eyes in a downtown chapel I once attended.

Anyhow, here are some quotes that Newsweek's Soukup writes and my take on them in red.

• "Traditionally conservative but not really part of the religious right... In the emotional case of Terri Schiavo earlier this year, however, the church diverged from many conservative Christians when it responded to news media by saying, "Members should not feel obligated to extend mortal life by means that are unreasonable."
  [CLIFF] Got that right! LDS march to a different tune than the religious right of the South. Shiavo was such an example of this. Teaching Intelligent Design in classrooms is another. It's not only their different positions, but also the methods, style and aggressiveness that are also different.
• "There is also room for policy differences among public figures who happen to be Mormon: Romney opposes fetal-stem-cell research, while Sen. Orrin Hatch of Utah supports it."
  [CLIFF] There can be a wide umbrella of political viewpoints under Mormondom. We can strongly disagree on issues and still be wonderful members of the church. Church leaders tend to neutrality and sustaining political leaders. It would be alien, for example, for a church leader to call on the Lord to retire Supreme Court justices or to speculate that an assassination of a world leader might be in order.
• "The church's early converts, many of whom learned about it from missionaries, were sometimes shocked when they met Smith in person. He was uneducated, he lost his temper, he enjoyed power—and perhaps most startling for converts was the fact that, on occasion, his ventures failed. Simply put, he didn't always seem like a prophet."
  [CLIFF] Well put. Members brought their own baggage of what they thought a prophet should behave like. In regards to failed business ventures, church history tells us that the Kirtland Safety Society went bankrupt while leaders preached that such a venture was of God. There were things that the visionary Joseph Smith stumbled at, business being one.
  
• "the church encourages internal debate, arguing that doubt can be an important precursor to faith. 'I think the Lord expects us to think,' President Gordon B. Hinckley, the incumbent prophet who Mormons believe leads the church through divine revelation, told NEWSWEEK.
  [CLIFF] Great quote. Brigham Young pondered long and hard for two years about the Book of Mormon before he joined the church. When he finally did join, he had incredible zeal.
  

Knowest thou the condescension of God?

What a fantastic, complex question that an angel asked of Nephi. God descending from celestial courts on high to mortality was a condescension. Being baptised by John was another.

But God didn't just slide from the celestial to mortality. He slid from the highest political and social ranks of heaven to one of the humblest in this life. We forget that.

When I slide from a high to a low in life, His divine descent takes on a different dimension. I have noticed that Jesus was not angry or bitter at his meagre station or lack of comfort here. He was patient with life's inequities when it came to himself. He seemed to have had more important things on his mind.

I wonder what it would be like if he crossed the great divide -- the cultural, religious and time barriers that seperate us-- to be born here. Yes, I know that the scriptures focus primarily on a semitic Messiah coming to Judea, but that ancient world seems so distant. Nephi tells us to liken the scriptures to us, and in doing so I cannot help but wonder what Jesus would be like before his 3-year ministry if he were here among us...

If Jesus lived in modern America as he did in Galilee, he'd be quite poor. He would wear beat-up old jeans and a frayed tee shirt with holes in it. He'd repair leaky roofs or work at WalMart to try to pay for basics when he did have work. With little schooling, he’d also be largely self-taught. He wouldn't drive a Taurus. He'd depend daily on the public transportation system, friends and members of his ward to drive him from point A to point B. He'd be born of a picked on, conquered and downtrodden people. Being born black in the South during the 40s would fit. But if you were lucky to be able to see inside of that poor, plain exterior you just might see the light beaming out in all its splendor and glory. Or, you might see nothing at all.

Japan has such cool toys

My children have grown up watching a Japanese cartoon character called Doraemon so I relate to this story found on Gizmodo. After all these years, Japan still cannot get enough of the nutty blue robot cat. This time, Doraemon comes in a new high-tech watch with 64MB or 128MB of memory built in so you can store MP3 music files, images, and cartoons. Of course, these high tech toys are usually only available in Japan first. To see more detail, click Doraemon, The Watch!

Chinese farmer eaten by own bears

I have been to the edge of Chinese civilization, the border towns of old Manchuria and Russia. It was there that I saw my first Russian, in the days when it was rare for an American to see one. It is still a wild country, with restaurants that feature menu items like moose nose, bear palm and bile. I've seen first hand the Chinese appetite for such things.

Well, it seems the bears had their turn. A Chinese man who raised bears to tap them for their bile, prized as a traditional medicine in Asia, was killed and eaten by his animals, Xinhua news agency said on Tuesday. The bears were still running around in the pen when the police came to retrieve the farmer's body.

The moral of the story is one doesn't mess around with wild mother nature without really being prepared. And even then things can go wrong, particularly when it involves bears that are poorly treated -- or actually, especially when it involves bears.
Photo by Gracey Stinson via Morguefile.com.

USS Salt Lake City nuclear submarine doesn't sound right

Who knew that there was a nuclear submarine that was named the USS Salt Lake City? Well, there is, and part of me cannot help but be perplexed. The problem is the name. It doesn't fit.

Although Utah has a long history of supporting the armed forces, having a weapon of mass destruction named after our fair city does not suit a place where pioneers escaped persecution in a long exodus, building a "new Zion" in the middle of nowhere to be unmolested. It was hoped that the world would think peace, love and tolerance when they heard the name Salt Lake City, not fear and trembling.

Besides, if we name naval ships after communities, one day we might have ships called Elephant Butte, Idiot Creek, Dork Canal or even Zyzzx. We don't want our enemies to think we are asleep at the wheel as we attack them. Frankly, a more appropriate name for a ship than the USS Salt Lake City would be the USS Don't-Tread-on-Me or the USS Get-Out-Of-The-Way-Or-Be-Crushed. Those labels are straight-forward and macho. Our enemies need to think of us in this way and not as the USS Panic. (That's in Pennsylvania).

The word is now out that the 20-year-old USS Salt Lake City will soon be no more. Because of budget cuts, the U.S. Navy is decommissioning the nuclear submarine Oct. 26 during a ceremony in San Diego. The sub will then take a skeleton crew around the Arctic ice cap and on to Connecticut, where it will be taken apart. I would have been pleased if they just changed the name.

So moved by Extreme Makeover that some revert to Dr. Seuss rhyme

We had a local family who had their home made over for the television series "Extreme Makeover".

The family and watchers were so moved that they found the words difficult to come by. Gordon Harrison stood before hundreds of friends, family members and volunteers who had rebuilt his family's Bountiful home and struggled to find the right words. Some in the crowd reverted to Dr. Seuss rhymes to describe their feelings. One observer said, "It was a great time", while another, "The time was long". One man said, "That was quite a thing." while a woman replied, "Quite a thing, it really is."

Meanwhile, the cat in the hat could not be seen.

Mistake leads to 29-cent gas price

AP - One gas station manager's mistake paid off for Lincoln, Nebraska drivers who were in the right place at the right time Friday. For 30 to 45 minutes, three of the Kabredlo's Convenience Store's four pumps sold premium unleaded gas for 29 cents a gallon.

Why don't mistakes like this happen in my neighborhood? At 29 cents per gallon, I could afford to give my car premium. It hasn't had such a treat since it was a wee toddler right off the car dealership lot when for a brief moment I pampered it.

Dog testicles win Ig Nobel Awards

An inventor, an obvious lover of dogs, has created artificial testicles for dogs to "allow your pet to retain his natural look" and "self esteem" for when Cialis simply isn't good enough. The male dogs in my neighborhood will give a sigh of relief tonight. My bitch pictured on top (be good now, this is the proper technical term for her) yawns at such artificiality and vanity among her male peers.

Another team of scientists calculated the pressures created when penguins poop. They and the creator of the artificial dog testicles were beneficiaries of Harvard's Ig Nobel prizes for 2005 on Thursday. I just want to know if this is what you have to do nowadays to get a grant.

Alaska Airlines' 737 (pronounced Salmon Thirty Salmon)

Looks great but what a price! Alaska Airlines is promoting the Alaska fishing industry with a "Salmon Thirty Salmon" -- a Boeing 737 painted with a gigantic fish. Take a closer look. However, my father in Alaska will be unhappy to learn that this flying fish painting cost half-a-mil in tax dollars. Ouch! [via Boing Boing]

First snow on the benches, Salt Lake City

Oh no. Winter is coming to Salt Lake fast! The Wasatch Front (a wall of mountains in the Rocky Mountain range bordering Utah's northern cities) had a light dusting of snow above the bench today as temperatures dropped. Summer is gone. Fall is here and Winter approaching. Will Utah have one more wet year after nearly 6 years of draught? One hydrologist gives it a "neutral chance" -- technical speak for "it beats me".

The snow puts me in the mood to create a limerick (reader beware).

There was a warm yard in SL City
Now dusted with snow, what a pity
The summer is gone
and so its green lawn
The weather grows white, itty-bitty
-cliff-

'Sons of Porn'? Fans of LDS film get shock

Ooops. Someone slipped wrong DVDs into the wrong cases. The newly released, squeaky clean LDS film "Sons of Provo" has taken on a new moniker: "Sons of Porno." However, the distributor is correcting the slip up of a few DVD cases. For those who might have the wrong DVD, he insists that the wrong movie is only about a gay porn star and does not contain porn. Hmmm...

10/5/05 Update: The LDS film company Halestorm is trying to keep its squeeky clean image. It is offering $100 for anyone that received "Adored: Diary of a Male Porn Star" instead of the "Sons of Provo" DVD. It's a good thing that your customers are honest, Halestorm, because in another market there might be consumers sorely tempted to go buy a $20 DVD of "Male Porn Star" so that they could get $100. If your audience wasn't who it was, you would be asking for a hail storm, Halestorm. Let's see what happens...

Flipper trained to flip out?

The Observer of Britain has really out done itself this time, reporting that the U.S. navy has trained a pod of underwater weapon-firing, boat-hating dolphins. The high-tech dolphins were supposedly washed away by Hurricane Katrina, and the fear was that these dolphins could swim anywhere to shoot ships at whim. So, if you are on the high seas and see a dolphin next to the boat, you better feed him or else.

I don't think the Observer is being creative enough. Just think about it. Trained dolphin from America are one of the few in the world that could have access to nuclear technology. Strapped to a dolphin's back, such nukes could blow up any coastal city if major governments refused to feed fresh mackeral every morning to these cetaceans.

But such is not the case. MSNBC ran a story to show that such fantastic claims were bogus. And as of yesterday, the final four missing Mississippi dolphins have been reported as caught and accounted for. The trained dolphin actually are located in San Diego, not Mississippi. They don't shoot laser beams but are trained to look for strange objects on the bottom of boats. So, it looks like time might be better spent for the British reporter to write an Austin Powers IV movie plot instead. Judging from his article, he's pretty good at spinning a yarn. Can you picture Mini-me straddling a Navy-trained dolphin up the river Thames on his way to hold the residents of London hostage? Now that's good movie stuff.

Photograph provided by Gwen Chandler of Shreveport, LA c/o Stock.xchng

Teen finds the power to fight politicos

A teen is finding the power in himself to challenge top Utah politicians. The funny thing is that this happened all during first lady Mary Kaye Huntsman's "The Power in You" initiative to promote self-esteem among teens. It looks like this teen has ample supply of self-esteem. While exiting a parking lot at Southern Utah University in Cedar City, eighteen-year-old Zachary Schryver found himself hit by Attorney General Mark Shurtleff limousine as it swerved into Schryver's lane to avoid a barricade. A security officer of SUU cited Schryver for the incident and the teen decided to fight it. It seems fairly obvious to this writer that the driver of Shurtleff's limo should get the ticket, not the teen.

175th Semiannual General Conference

"...live together in peace without war and contention, argument and conflict."

So said President Gordon B. Hinckley at the Sunday morning session of the 175th Semiannual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The photo is taken and touched up by me of members lined up to enter the Conference Center for the Sunday morning session. What's not seen are a few street preachers holding up signs and shouting denouncements of the teachings of the church at designated areas and a group of single LDS adults that formed a choir singing hymns in contrast to the shouting. There were pockets outside the center that had a carnival atmosphere. Inside was still and calm.

Scientists Photograph Giant Squid in Wild

TOKYO (AP) -- Through incredible determination and brilliance, a team of Japanese scientists has captured on film for the first time one of the most mysterious creatures of the deep-sea in its natural habitat. At 26 feet in length, here's proof from film and dna that this Architeuthis exists. (Cliff's note: In the diving community, we've believed that such giant creatures existed but have had little hard evidence until now.)